Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Who's your crush? Don't let your body language give you away

You've read it right! Your body language can tell who your crush is. Think your careful enough? I thought i am but not until i caught myself following him--- with my thumb!

When i was in college, I attended a conference with my friends, fortunately, my crush attended, too. I'm a bit bored and sleepy but is still trying to absorb the lesson. My legs are crossed, upper body slightly leaning forward, chin resting on the palm of my left hand (elbow of this hand was resting on my other forearm [right]). Suddenly, my crush appeared on the side door in front of the room. Of course, i don't want to be obvious so i didn't look at him directly (good thing girls have wider peripheral vision than guys!). But guess what I did? Nope, neither did I uncross my legs nor flip my hair. i didn't change my position. but my thumb gave me away! i noticed that my thumb is pointing to my crush-- but not just that-- it followed him as he walked to the back of the room! Hahahaha.

No matter how hard we try to keep it to ourselves, our body will really try to tell what our mind is thinking. If people who interests us comes into the same room, we automatically (unconsciously) do something.

There are a lot of body language that shows interest but i will discuss only a few without getting too scientific.

1 Preening gestures. I am pretty sure that we are all guilty of this one! Have you ever flipped/fixed your hair, gathered your hair away from the face to the back of your ears, straighten your clothes/ tie, or removed an imaginary lint on your shoulders when an object of interest is somewhere in sight? The why is clear. We want to look good around them. We want them to notice us.

2 Pointing. Yup, we usually point to our object of interest. The usual pointers are the feet, legs, knees, arms and in my case, thumb.

3 Personal space. Personal space is a space we alot for ourselves. The distance varies with culture. But, regardless, we only allow people we trust/like within our intimate zone (6-18 inches from our body). Sometimes, we unconsciously invade our crush's personal space to try to build rapport/closeness. But no one throws him/herself for a hug! That is way threatening. Some would subtly do this by putting their bags or coffee or other stuff within the person's personal space.

4 Studies show that women laugh at men they're attracted to, and men are attracted to women who laugh at them.--Allan & Barbara Pease Laughing is not really nonverbal or is it? i don't know. but we usually do this unconsciously. We don't force ourselves to laugh we just do. I remember, my crush cracked a joke-- no one laughed except me. I laughed pretty loud and I'm the only one who did. ooops. ;)

There are a lot more-- tons more! Read further. I would recommend "The Definitive Book of Body Language" by Allan and Barbara Pease. It's the best I've read on this subject. Their book includes illustrations which is very helpful for not so imaginative people. Another thing i liked is that they are scientific and behavioral. Its a must read!

i did not post this for us to avoid these gestures but to inform. We don't need to eliminate these because most of the time it works to our advantage-- unless you don't wanna get caught! It's just nice to be aware of the signals we are sending.

Thinking of these signals, i am fascinated by how God created us. He gave us a way to express ourselves-- even if we can't say it verbally!

Sources: The Definitive Book of Body Language, Allan and Barbara Pease.(main)
How to Read a person Like a Book, Gerard Nierenberg, Henry Calero. (I've read this years ago but has actually influenced me)


  1. PS-- You might say that you don't send these signals-- remember, these are done unconsciously. You just need to be more self-aware. :)

  2. I can't to use the thumb??

  3. you actually don't use it. it's sort of automatic. i just noticed that it followed my crush (w/o my conscious permission) hahaha